i know.. we all like the smiling painting nail-girl... but not today...this is just like me photographed from the profile.. so...

(( darling, it never was that bad, so it has to be better, uhm..?))

so -

[[come on...petal.. it was bad....not worse because you never were that happy by loving someone... and that sad by the fact that your inability to show it . to LOVE (you thought you loved but you had to learn it) destroyed a lot... and a good friend decided to go... but..it was bad.... and you got strong... and now you are stronger... because you know you do not want to lose the love and be stronger at the cost of it... so although it may hurt more, you will go thru it.. you will.. you have to be YOU- strong.. for both of you (if there were both...is there? isn't there...?); for your friends.. you have to you know that stronger and stronger.. and he loved you for that as welll... and NOW, you know you cannot lose the love... just be strong... it hurts more.. but is worth so much more... so come on petal... keep fighting.. come on... darling... sweetie..remember when you were called sweetie... just keep going.. keep going..
petal... keep going....

smile petal.. you look so beautiful when you smile... remember... ]]

..it pours.. it couldn't have gone worse.... i was sick.. but "3 weeks before the gig" i thought.. so all is gonna be fine, i thought..... and it seemed to clear out.. then sunday came... and i had fever.. and shivers.. my last week was meant to be hols.. my last days of annual leave entitlement.. spent in bed.. great last hols... but ok.. but ok... just get better and start rehearsing.... // now, i am seriously sick.. and have to be in the office.. my last week.... and the gig is approaching...and there is less hope that we..... so when it rains, it pours...it has been bad before..doctors wondering if i wake up etc.. and now you fought for two years.. for this one gig; and you lived your 27 years for this one MAN, worth of everything; a great kind man .. making you smile every time you see him...every time you think of his smiling face... the great MAN.... and now...he froze... he does not want to look back..... and so... when it rains, it pours... it fawking (thanks MAMA ) pours... like hell... like a shower someone left open just above your head... fawking pours.... and and and.. come on Petal.. come on... one more time.. like once you wrote in a song: "everyone has got their 100 %... and now is 300 or more.. but cut it down to sixty to make room for next.. and plenty after coma of sunshine.. " after it stops pouring...